Broken But Not In Pieces, Strong But Not Stable
by 13SapphireStars13
Summary: A/B/O verse, might have some triggers (but I tried to keep it to a minimum) (There's a summary inside) Cross-posted on AO3


Okay this got into my head and wouldn't leave. So this is basically the premise. This takes place nearly four years after Blair's wedding. Its an A/B/O universe. Dan and Nate are mates, but they broke up right before their wedding after Dan was kidnapped by a stalker/serial killer that was obsessed with Gossip Girl, i.e. Dan. Dan's a successful author in New York for a release party when another body turns up with the original serial killer's signature.  
That's basically it

 ** _-XOXO-_**

 _It was time. Finally time._

 _Time to get back what was yours and yours alone. Time to claim your rightful Omega, your rightful partner._

 _Dan Humphrey._

 _Your beautiful Omega. The one you'd waited your entire life to find._

 _It'd been years since you'd last seen him. Since you'd been close enough to touch him. But you had your memories. Those sweet, sweet memories of the two of you. Sadly you only had one memory where he was fully yours and not belonging to that fool he called his 'mate'. You growled savagely as you thought about the man who'd kept you from what was yours, but you knew that in the end it had been you who had him. You who had gotten to hold him in your arms last time. You knew that you would still end up with him in your arms. And he would stay there. You would make sure of that._

 _But, there were steps you had to take before that could happen. Steps that were different than the ones you had taken last time. You had been chivalrous last time, and it had done nothing. You had to change. So now. Now you were going to be you would not allow anything to keep Your Omega away from you._

 _And, well, it'd be a shame if you didn't enjoy yourself. You might as well have fun while you're at._

 _ **-XOXO, Now You're mine-**_

" _Well I guess that means it's all over now, that we can all grow up and move on."_

 _"Yeah. Gossip Girl's dead."_

 _ **-XOXO, I'll Only Love You-**_

Dan woke up to an almost deafening pounding headache and an even louder, if that was possible, pounding on his door. Both immediately made him what to go back to sleep, but that was not an option as incoherent yelling was added to the pounding on the door. Dan swore as he sat up and slowly got out of his bed. The night before was mostly a haze after he left the release party of his new book, Omega International, early, which his publisher was probably going to strangle him for. Dan couldn't remember much about the night, but he did remember being mostly cordial during the party before heading home where, Dan guessed, he got smashing drunk, alone. Sighing, Dan walked slowly from his bedroom to the front door where someone was still pounding on his door.

"If it's Matheson again, I'm going to kick his Alpha ass, neighbor or not." Dan grumbled to himself as he managed to make it to the door and carefully unlocked it. If he expected his idiotic, Alpha, twenty-something neighbor than he was incredibly surprised when he opened his door and found a detective and two uniformed officers standing there. Dan blinked owlishly at them as he addled brain tried to connect the dots. Had he not gone straight to his apartment the night before like he'd thought? Dan doubted it, not many of his friends knew he was back in town to begin with and he wouldn't have called any of them to go out because of that. A fact they were probably going to kill him for when they found out about the release party and that he had not told them he was back in town.

"Officers," Dan said slowly as he stared at them, still trying to connect the dots. "What do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"

"Mr. Archi-," the detective began to say before Dan cut him off, only a little harshly.

"It's Humphrey actually. Now Detective I did not a plan for a visit from the police this morning, so I would like to know why you are on my doorstep, pounding on my door, disturbing me and my neighbors." Dan said sharply.

"My name is Detective Roberts, these are Officers Smith and Boyle. Would you let me inside Mr." The detective paused as if he wasn't sure what to say, and Dan's jaw clenched. "Humphrey? I'm afraid we have something very serious to talk about, and it is best if it is not discussed where others could overhear." Dan frowned as the two uniformed officers behind the detective shifted slightly, and the detective looked like he was holding back a grimace.

"I'd like a reason why I should Detective. You haven't told me any reason why you are at my door, and I haven't had the best experiences with the police in the past." Dan said eyeing the two officers as they shifted again. Dan knew the detective probably wouldn't give any reason. If he had a warrant to search the place or arrest Dan, not that Dan knew if he was there to do either, he probably wouldn't tell Dan where anyone could hear them and call the press.

"Come in." Dan said simply when he found Roberts still staring at him from the doorway with no answer, the cop's face stony. The detective said something quietly to the two officers before entering the apartment and closing the door. Before the door closed, Dan caught a glimpse of the officers walking to his neighbor's door, Matheson's actually to be exact.

Dan walked past the kitchen to the living room. He needed to be seated for the conversation he knew he was about to have with Detective Roberts. It was the same conversation he'd had the night he'd gotten back from London nearly two and a half years ago. The night that Dan had buried deep within his mind never to remember, the night that his life not only flipped upside down but caught on fire and got cremated after it flipped itself upside down. The night he'd lost the best thing in his entire life.

"Mr. Humphrey," Roberts said as Dan settled himself down onto his couch. "I know you haven't had the best experiences with the police before, but we have reason to believe that due to your past involvement with Gossip Girl you may know who did this. I need to know if you are able to think of anyone who would leave a note like this."

Dan glanced at the picture in his hands again and reread the message written on the wall in the picture. The wall itself was mostly mundane, as walls were, except for the blood smeared on it to form a disgusting message, 'YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME – XOXO'. Below the message was the body of a young man with dark, curly hair and stab wounds all over his body.

"Detective, I haven't had anything to do with Gossip Girl in nearly 5 years. No one has even mentioned her, or my affiliation to her, to me in years." Close to three years, Dan added mentally to himself. "I don't know anyone in my life who would be able to do something this horrible in her name. Because that's obviously what this is, isn't it? An homage to Gossip Girl? Someone trying to 'prove' themselves or pay their respects to her. It's happened before." Dan said, his voice had an undertone of hysteria. He could feel the memories begin to shake lose as he thought about the last time some had tried to prove themselves to Gossip Girl, to Dan.

"Mr. Humphrey I know this is a very large shock for you, but I need you to calm down." Roberts said, and Dan nodded slowly as he tried to control himself. "Now I have some questions for you. There just standard and will be over quickly okay?" Dan nodded and Roberts continued as he brought out a small notepad and pen. "Where were you last night between the hours of 10 pm last night and 2:30 this morning?"

"I had a book release party at the Palace last night. I was there from 9 until sometime around 12, maybe closer to 1, I'm not sure. There are about two hundred people that can corroborate that for me if you need them to. After I left the party, I took a taxi to get back here. I think I paid with a credit card and arrived close to 1:30. One of my neighbors might have seen me, and the lobby downstairs has video security. I should be on the video tapes; you can ask the security guards for them." Dan said, trying to remember last night. He remembered arriving at the party, making a small speech, signing books, answering a few questions, and having a conversation with his publisher before he went to the open bar. He'd seen Georgina standing at the bar, but she'd left the party as soon as he had made his way over to the bar to talk to her. Seemed like his self-enforced isolation hadn't been received well.

"Do you recognize the victim?" Roberts asked after he'd scribbled down what Dan had said.

"I don't recognize him, but I see a lot of people for my work Detective. He might have gone to a book reading, a signing, an interview, or I could have passed him on the way to the subway. Any interaction I could have had with this man, no matter how small and insignificant, would have been enough. That's how it was before at least." Dan clenched his jaw and looked at the picture once again. He looked over the man's clothes, his face, and his surroundings. Dan didn't recognize any of it. Shaking his head, Dan set the photo onto his coffee table. "Has he been identified?" Roberts shook his head sadly.

"Have you or anyone around you been in contact with Jacob Isaacson?" Roberts asked again, glancing to see if Dan reacted, which he did. Dan's hands curled up into balls, nearly crushing the photo.

"I haven't been, nor do I ever want to be, in contact with that deranged son of a bitch. And I don't tolerate anyone who even thinks about even giving him the time of day." Dan snarled at the detective. "How dare you ask me that?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Humphrey I have to ask. I just have one more question for you. Have you received any strange fan mail or strange phone calls the past few months?" Dan shook his head.

"All fan mail gets sent to my publisher's office, and they have a security team go through all of it to make sure nothing goes over the line. I haven't been notified of anything recently, but I'll ask them. As for any calls I might have gotten, no one but my friends and people I work with have my number, and it's unlisted so no one else should have be able to get it."

"I think that will be all from me thank you Mr. Humphrey. I will be back if I have any more questions for you." Roberts said as he headed for the door. Dan stood up and followed him.

"Or if you have another body." Dan mumbled quietly to himself. "Detective Roberts, wait. Would you mind if I kept that photo?"

"It's not evidence, so I don't have to return it. But may I ask why?" Roberts asked puzzled.

"If the person that killed that man is trying to pay homage to Gossip Girl then they killed him because of me. I never wanted that. No one should have ever died because of me. i don't want to forget him; my actions were the ones that got him killed." Dan said. Roberts look like he was going to say something, but when he saw the devastated expression on Dan's face, he just nodded his head.

Once at the door, Detective Roberts turned and looked Dan in the eye as he said, "I was a rookie cop the last time someone did something like this, but I heard how it affected you and those around you. I'm sorry I'm the one to bring this back to you, and Mr. Humphrey don't blame yourself. The person who did this would have just found reason to kill." Dan nodded and thanked the detective before he quickly closed the door behind him. With the door now shut, Dan slumped against the door and buried his face into his palms, willing the memories away. His head hurt from his memories and his lingering headache as he tried to get push down the former and ignore the latter.

Once he'd collected himself, Dan walked back to his bedroom. He knew he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep or doing anything close to it, but maybe if he showered he'd be able to get something done afterwards. A washing away of dirt and memories to clean him up. Dan snorted derisively. If only it were that easy.

Going through his bedroom into the master bathroom, Dan walked to the shower to turn it on. As the water warmed up, Dan glanced out the floor to ceiling windows that had originally been one of the reasons he'd gotten the place. They gave him a magnificent view of the surrounding buildings. He caught a small glimpse over a few buildings of the Spectator building. Dan looked away before he allowed himself to dwell. It wouldn't do him any good if he allowed himself down that path of memories.

Dan walked over to the mirror that hung next to the shower. He sighed and stared into his reflection. Slowly he looked away from the mirror and down to his hands. They were shaking, and he knew why. Everything from three years ago was about to start up all over again. Jacob Isaacson had destroyed his life, and he was back to destroy the shards he'd left.

He should have immediately called Jenny after Detective Roberts left. But, she was in London for the month working before her next deadline, and he knew she'd hop a flight straight over and miss work and her deadline. He couldn't do that to her. Maybe Serena, he knew she was in town. Or his dad. Or… Or Nate.

Dan tried to fight the wave of warmth originating from the bite mark scar, his bonding mark to Nate, on his shoulder that swept over him. He shouldn't have thought about Nate it only brought up that horrible caged in feeling he got when he remembered his self-imposed isolation from his pack and his mate. Calling them would make the feeling worse, much worse. Calling them would make everything worse. He shouldn't have thought about calling them, but it was a good idea. It was a smart idea, and everyone was always telling him that he was smart and should follow those ideas. If everyone found out about what was happening from somewhere else, they were going to bust down his door and cart him off somewhere for his own safety.

That's settled than, Dan thought as he went and turned the water in the shower off, he was going to call Nate. For the first time. After nearly a year of silence and separation.

Dan walked into his room and started searching for his cell. He knew he'd put it on the charger the night before, but he forgot where he plugged it in. it wasn't next to his bed or his bookshelf. He finally found next to the bathroom, apparently drunk him remembered that he would have to call people if he woke up hung over and needed to puke.

Dan opened his contact book. He found Nate's contact quickly and opened it. He stared at the picture he'd chosen for the contact photo. It'd been a picture from one of the first times Dan had spent the night at Nate's, one of the happiest times of his life. Nate had taken a selfie of them while Dan was sleeping next to him. Dan smiled as he remembered that morning and the other mornings just like it before… before everything had been destroyed. Dan shook his head. Now was not the time to talk about, he couldn't be actively breaking down while calling Nate.

Dan shakily pressed the call button and pressed the phone to his ear. As it rang he couldn't help but panic. What if Nate didn't pick up? What if he was still angry at Dan for leaving? What if Nate did pick up?

On the sixth ring, Dan was about to hang up before he heard an almost breathless hello come from the phone. Dan gulped.

"H-hey Nate." Dan cursed himself for his shaking voice. It took Nate forever to respond, and Dan was worried he'd hung up.

"Dan." Nate said, and in that one word Nate managed to break down every single wall Dan had made in the past year. Dan nearly burst into tears as all the emotions he'd been trying to bury behind his mental walls burst forward as unrelenting as a tidal wave. "What's wrong?"

"S-something happened." Dan managed out slowly not able to hide how badly his voice was trembling.

"What's happened Dan? Are you okay? Did something happen to you?" Nate asked, always protective.

"It's happening again. God Nate, it's happening again." Nate inhaled sharply at his words as Dan tried to keep himself together. It was getting harder now that he had heard Nate's voice, and Dan wasn't sure how long he could hold it together.

"Dan what's happened?" Nate asked. Dan heard the panicked edge to Nate's voice that he tried to hide.

"There was a detective here this morning, and it's starting again. I don't think I can go through that again. Not alone." Dan said his voice shaking. "I barely got through last time Nate, how am I supposed to do it again? Especially… especially after everything I've done."

"Dan, I need you to stay wherever you are, okay? Please just stay where you are. I'll be right there." Nate said, and Dan, while he knew Nate couldn't see him, nodded. "Where are you? I'll come get you."

"I… I'm at my apartment."

"Stay there. I'm at the Spectator, and I'll be there in less than ten minutes. Just stay on the line with me please. Please Dan. I need you to stay on the line until I get to you." Nate begged as Dan froze. Nate was coming. He was coming here. Was that the plan? Dan couldn't face Nate; he was just supposed to call him, talk to him, not _see_ him. It was one thing hearing his voice and talking to him, it was quite another seeing him.

"Don't." Dan whispered barely audible, panic seizing.

"Dan? What did you say?" Nate asked immediately on edge, his Alpha hearing picking up Dan's barely audible response.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry Nate I just overreacted. Don't come here. I'll be fine." Dan said quickly before he ended the call. He tried to lean against his bedroom wall to stay upright, but he couldn't keep himself up and just ended up sliding down the wall to the ground. His phone vibrated as Nate called him again and then again after that, but Dan ignored both calls. He just stared at the contact picture that popped up on his phone's screen. Looking at the photo, Dan remembered how much he had loved Nate back then and how much he still loved Nate. Things hadn't been great when he ended things, and Dan knew that they wouldn't be great now after not talking for nearly a year.

Dan groaned as he let his head fall back and hit the wall. God he sounded melodramatic even to himself. Rubbing his eyes, Dan stood up. He might as well get up and make some coffee before Nate got here. Speaking of his ex, Nate was probably sprinting towards Dan's apartment right now, pushing people out of his way, and causing a scene. Dan never could stop Nate from being overly protective after they'd gotten together, looks like things hadn't changed since Dan had broken it off. Groaning, Dan resigned himself to what was about to happen. Maybe he could convince Nate that he'd just had a bad dream or a flashback before Nate puts any stock into their conversation.

Dan dragged his hand over his face, Nate was an idiot, and he would know if Dan was lying about why he called. That was the thing about Nate. After they'd bonded, Nate seemed to know everything Dan was trying to hide. That's something Dan always loved about Nate. Dan loved everything about Nate.

There had always been something about Nate that drew Dan to him.

Maybe it was his blue eyes or his charming smile. Or maybe because even though he was an Alpha, he never ever used his position to make anyone feel inferior. Maybe it was just the Upper East Side charm he'd been born with.

All he knew was that Nate was something special, someone special, and that he didn't deserve something as special as Nate, he never did. He was the Brooklyn Lonely Boy for a reason, wasn't he?

 _ **-XOXO, You Know You Love ME-**_

Nate's morning had been going extremely well. He'd just gotten out of a meting and was contemplating what other meetings he had for the rest of the day when his phone rang. Nate pulled his phone out of his pocket in confusion. Blair and Chuck were in the mountains for the weekend with little Henry, meaning they'd only call him if it was an emergency, and Serena wasn't known to call out of the blue when she could just pop by with a dramatic entrance and a beautiful outfit.

Nate had frozen when he read the name that popped up on his phone. Dan. The mark on his shoulder, hidden by his clothes, warmed up for the first time in nearly a year.

Nate had inhaled sharply as he tried to decide whether or not he should take the call. He was still heartbroken after Dan had called off their engagement, but if Dan was calling him maybe he had changed his mind about them being together. Maybe they could finally be together again and be happy, like before. Or maybe something was wrong.

Nate had answered the phone before it stopped ringing.

"Hello?" Nate asked almost breathless as he prayed that Dan didn't hang up the phone.

"H-hey Nate." Nate's heart stuttered as he heard Dan's voice. It was cliché to say, but he felt like he was a twelve year old again talking to his crush when he heard Dan speak. But, Nate heard the fear in Dan's voice and instantly went on alert.

"S-something happened." Nate froze, his heart stopping. He flashed back momentarily to three years before when Dan would call him every time the police discovered a new body.

"What's happened Dan? Are you okay? Did something happen to you?" Nate was already moving towards the elevator when Dan answered.

"It's happening again. God Nate, it's happening again." Nate inhaled sharply as he punched the call button for the elevator. His heart was breaking as he heard the desperation and turmoil in Dan's voice.

"Dan what's happened?" Nate stepped into the elevator once it arrived and pressed the lobby's button. He was panicking, and he tried to hide it unsuccessfully.

"There was a detective here this morning, and it's starting again. I don't think I can go through that again. Not alone I barely got through last time Nate, how am I supposed to do it again?" Dan's voice was so quiet and shaking that Nate had to strain to hear him correctly. "Especially… especially after everything I've done." Nate wanted nothing more than to draw Dan into his arms and hold him there.

"Dan, I need you to stay where you are, okay? Please just stay where you are. I'll be right there. Where are you? I'll come get you." Nate willed the elevator to go faster as it descended towards the ground floor. His mate was in trouble, albeit emotional trouble, and he needed to be there now.

"I… I'm at my apartment." Dan whispered quietly.

"Stay there." Nate said practically begging Dan. "I'm at the Spectator, and I'll be there in less than ten minutes. Just stay on the line with me please. Please Dan. I need you to stay on the line until I get to you." Nate heard Dan take a shuddering breath in before Nate stepped out of the elevator and nearly ran out of the lobby.

"Don't." Nate nearly missed Dan's barely audible reply as he ran down the sidewalk and through a crosswalk.

"Dan? What did you say?" Nate asked doubling his speed.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have called you. I'm sorry Nate I just overreacted. Don't come here. I'll be fine." Nate barely understood what Dan said he spoke so fast.  
"Dan? Dan?" Nate asked frantically. Nate looked at his phone and tried to call Dan back.

When Dan didn't answer, Nate cursed loudly as ran through another crosswalk, nearly getting hit by a cab.

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up." Nate said frantically as he called Dan again and again as he ran towards Dan's building.

Nate remembers the days when Dan wouldn't stop shaking. Where that was the only moving Dan did. Dan was almost always stuck in his head then, reliving what had been done to him. There were nights when Dan didn't sleep because the memories were worse when he was sleeping, and Nate held Dan's shaking form to him as if that would protect him.

Nate knew that there was nothing he could have done but be there for Dan, and he hated it, then and now. He hated watching as Dan broke and cut himself on the fragments. He hated being helpless as his mate suffered.

The difference between the Dan before Jacob Isaacson and after was immense. Before Dan was a golden beacon for Nate; Dan was happy and not broken. He knew who he was. Afterwards Dan was still Nate's world, but Dan no longer felt like he deserved anything. He didn't know how to live anymore. Jacob Isaacson had done something that the kids of the Upper East Side had tried to do to Dan for years. He'd managed to make Dan feel worthless.

Nate remembers how Dan slowly drew into himself and away from the pack. He should have noticed that something was wrong just from that, but he didn't. He should have noticed the signs as Dan began calling his sister more often, asking her questions about London, about how she got settled, but Nate had been so happy that Dan was actually talking that he didn't notice the signs. He thought that Dan was getting better, so he didn't give it much attention. But he should have. He really should have.

Nate was breathing heavily when he made it to the door to the building. He quickly put in his code, praying Dan hadn't changed it since they'd split up. When the light on the pad gleamed green, Nate nearly broke into tears of joy as he pushed the door open and raced for the elevator.

Nate didn't have to wait long for the elevator, and he quickly entered, pushing the button for Dan's floor. The ride went quickly with Nate pacing the small elevator anxiously until it arrived at the floor he needed.

Nate ran down the hall towards Dan's apartment. He skidded around a corner, nearly running into a college aged guy. The guy yelled at him, but Nate ignored him and continued to Dan's door.

Nate stopped once he reached the door before beginning to pound on it.

It was only a minute before Dan opened the door, and Nate's heart stopped. A wave of comfort and belonging rushed over him as he stared into the red rimmed eyes of his mate.

"Nate." Dan only managed to get that out before Nate grabbed Dan kissing him.


End file.
